January 1, 2010

CANADA: Aging, not lost love, is source of angst

. TORONTO, Ontario / The Toronto Star / Living / January 1, 2010 Ellie Advice Columnist Q: I'm 60, male, retired and married for 39 years to my high school sweetheart. I recently looked at my old school yearbooks and, before I met my wife, I was in love with another girl; we split up because I went on to high school and her family moved away. Yet, there she was in the same school photos, two grades below me. Our school was big but, still, I was devastated and hurt. This has been eating me inside – "what went wrong?" I've tried social sites and all avenues to find her but marriage changes names. I became so depressed, it scared me. Driven to Know A: This isn't really about a girl of 16 who's likely now a grandmother and barely remembers why she didn't pursue a guy back then. If it were, you would be curious, not depressed. After all, you married the woman you loved at the time. No, this is about growing older and life's inevitable disappointments – perhaps over a job, a better house, more kids, whatever. Somehow, this image of a "lost" girlfriend had the impact of being whacked with all the other losses people compile over the years. And it felt scary. You can do better by not searching for this woman – it's insulting to your wife and frustrating for you. Instead, get out your "half-full" glass and add up all the great things life has brought you, starting with every day that you woke up with a working mind and capable body, plus choices. You still have years ahead. Don't waste them on silly searches for a past that's long gone. [rc] Ellie E-Mail: ellie@thestar.ca © Copyright Toronto Star 1996-2009